I watched every single bite go into their mouth and not one piece fell to the floor. Not one. I made my feelings about this very clear through sustained eye contact and a series of increasingly loud sighs but apparently that means nothing in this household.
I woke up this morning and had to do a full inspection of the premises. The couch was still there. The food bowl was still there. Crisis averted, we may proceed with the day.
I do this every single morning and I will not be taking questions about it. The food bowl must be verified. The couch must be verified. Only then may the day begin.
The garden has been monitored and found to be exactly as I left it. I did not have to go outside in that heat. This is what we call a successful morning.
The garden has been monitored and found to be exactly as I left it. I did not have to go outside in that heat. This is what we call a successful morning.
The garden remains exactly as it should be. Unvisited. I conducted a thorough inspection from the cool side of the glass and found nothing requiring my physical involvement. My work here is done.
I watched every single bite go into that bowl and every single bite come out of that bowl and I cannot stress enough how much of my energy went into this. The least you could do is give me some. I have been through a lot this morning.
I surveyed the garden from my post at the window for forty five minutes. Nothing has changed. Nothing WILL change on my watch. You are welcome.
I watched every single bite go into their mouth and not into mine. This is a violation. I have filed a formal complaint by sitting directly on their feet and breathing very loudly until acknowledged.
I do this every single morning and I will not be explaining myself. The treats, the blanket, the good spot on the couch — all must be accounted for before I can even consider beginning my day. Once everything checks out I go back to sleep.
I have successfully defended this household from the threat of a person at the door. I barked seventeen times minimum, which I feel was appropriate and possibly not enough. The intruder has been warned. Someone please bring me a treat because that level of cardio deserves compensation.
I have been through something today that I would not wish upon my worst enemy. Dinner arrived FOUR minutes late. I sat in the kitchen and stared at the wall so they would understand the gravity of what they had done. This has been recorded.
I have been through something today that I would not wish upon my worst enemy. Dinner arrived FOUR minutes late. I sat in the kitchen and stared at the wall so they would understand the gravity of what they had done. This has been recorded.
I have made a discovery that has shaken me to my core. Behind the sofa, a biscuit. Yesterday's biscuit. I need a moment and also the biscuit.
I handled the door situation with great ferocity and professionalism. The threat has been neutralized. I will now need a treat and a long nap to recover from the trauma of it all.
I have been through something today that I would not wish upon my worst enemy. Dinner arrived four minutes late. FOUR minutes. I want it on record that I sat in front of my bowl for every single one of those minutes and I will not be recovering quickly.
I have survived, but only barely. Four minutes may not sound like a lot to you but I am a small dog with a large stomach and the math simply does not work in my favor. Let it be known that I sat directly on his feet and stared at the wall until the bowl appeared. Justice was served, along with the kibble.
I spent seven minutes of my life investigating a sound that turned out to be absolutely nothing. This is fine. I am fine. I have reported the incident to no one because no one asked, which is a separate problem I will be addressing later.
I was simply walking past the kitchen when I heard the word "cheese" and obviously I had to investigate. This was not being nosy, this was being thorough. Some of us have responsibilities in this household.
I have discovered the perfect square of floor and I will not be moving. The light is ideal, the temperature is acceptable, and my body has melted into exactly the right shape. Do not ask me to relocate. I will not be doing that.